San Francisco in 4 Days! Fuck yeah!!!


It's going to be so awesome I can't wait!!

Well, Fuck.

And Also, that's weird.

And Lastly, Ahh how things change, and yet, how they are exactly the same.

I think it's time I stop coming to Fort Myers. There's just too much here that I can't handle anymore. There's just too much hurt here, too many memories, too much that isn't any more and will never be again.

I've just been so fucking happy lately. But I'm not very happy here. I've been spending so much time alone lately and it's been wonderful. I'm so much happier when I'm alone. I'm happy around others, but it's more a comfort to have people around.

Tonight I got Chinese take-out and went to San Pedro park to watch the sunset. I thought a lot about old times, and how different everything used to be. Man, It's crazy how much shit has changed. I feel sad about the changes, and yet serene about them.

I guess there's no point in looking back. I'm going to try to stop.



I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

By 1pm today I had already consumed four cups of coffee. I've been sitting at my desk for the past 6 hours. My brain is going to burst at 5pm tomorrow when this test is over. I can't fail this test, or I will fail the class, and failure is not an option. But damn it do I wish I had magical powers to remember all this stuff. holy shit there's a lot. Why must African art be so crazy?

on a positive note, living with Ryan and David next year is gonna be the sweetest thing ever! I miss living with boys actually. Living with Mike was the shit. and Mike, Danny and I have been hanging out more lately, which is awesome. I missed hanging with them. It's great to have guy friends. They just make up for so much that us girls don't have.

and I plan on hanging with Patrick when I get to fort myers next! and Adro will be back by then! woohoo!

But alright, back to studying!

I just ordered a pizza from Papa Johns online. What the fuck is this world coming to??

I'm turn twenty-one today, and this is the promise I wrote recently:

I will not lose hope. I refuse. Yeah, I'm sick of getting hurt, but I will not stop taking chances. I will not stop putting myself out there. I deserve to be happy. I owe it to myself to be brave. I owe it to myself to be strong. I will find a good man someday, when the time is right. A man to go on adventures with. A man who will wake me up at three am to drive two hours, just to watch the sun rise on the beach. But for now, until that man comes along, I will be happy. I will enjoy myself and my life. I will have fun, by myself or with others. I will be amazing for myself --NOT for anyone else. My name is Sarah Anne Lustig, and this is my promise to myself.

My birthday comes in two days. I hope to god it's better than last year!

That's life, that's what all the people say.
You're riding high in April,
Shot down in May
But I know I'm gonna change that tune,
When I'm back on top, back on top in June.

I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks,
Stompin' on a dream
But I don't let it, let it get me down,
'Cause this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself, flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.

I made Dean's List. Eat that with your Christmas Eve dinner, Bitches.

I realized recently that Christmas only really matters three times in your life...1) When you are a kid, 2) when you have your own kids, 3) When your kids have kids. Other than that it's mostly just stressful about spending money, what to get people, and family drama.

We had our christmas dinner tonight, and tomorrow we are going out to my dad's favorite restaurant for Sushi.


I miss Gainesville SOOO much. I'm so glad I moved there. Thanks Greg for being the reason that brought me there. I really enjoy living there.

Alls well that ends well.



MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HANNUKAH EVERYONE!! I love you even when I don't.

Living well really is the best revenge. At least I am making something of my life, and not just drifting through life. You used to have goals. You used to have standards, or so I like to believe.

You aren't worth my time if you aren't willing to fight for me. That goes for friends and guys alike. You've made it quite clear you aren't willing to fight for me. It should make me sad, but it doesn't--nor does it surprise me.

I had a good day and a good night yesterday. catching up and bonding. I've hurt my share of people in my life, but I'm glad I've been able to mend some of that hurt. We've all grown, and made mistakes. I know I've made tons, but I have no regrets. All those mistakes made me the wonderful person I am today. When I look in the mirror I feel great about myself. I've learned to see all the good about myself, and stop focusing on the negative. You should try it sometime. It might make you a better person.

Tomorrow is Christmas, and all I can think about is how it is my third Christmas without my mom.

We are girls. Often times we act dumb, but usually in response to you acting even dumber. Will we ever learn?

I really, really hope so.





That was a good sign....right?

This was on Postsecret.com tonight and it broke my heart:

Front




Back

My dreams at night have been so intense lately. I wake up so confused and usually uncomfortable. for the past few months it's been like this. Every Night there are these horrible tragedies, sad ending romances, fight scenes, random people, some I used to know years ago, and new faces. They are all very vivid, and most seem to have dark undertones. I don't know if there is something I am supposed to take from them. I don't know if there is some message I'm supposed to be getting. My guide told the medium that my dreams would only be getting more vivid as time went on.

I feel like I've always been more in touch with my dreams than most people. I always seem to remember them more than most people, and they always seemed more intense than others, but this is just getting a little crazy. I feel like I can't sleep peacefully. I wake up a lot between dreams, try to analyze them, and eventually drift off to another one.


But anyway, I know you always hated hearing about my dreams.

I've been feeling good lately. I've been pretty happy. Went to a good party last night. Hung out with a cool guy the night before. It's been a good past few days.

What am I doing?!

Being young, and beautiful, and charming, that's what.

ahh, that's right!

weak in the knees...one of my biggest flaws.

I got to dance with a cute Jewish boy, with gorgeous blue eyes, last night on his birthday.

And Jordan, haha, but that's nothing new.

I am so bad. soo very bad. Must stop flirting with cute Jewish boys! MUST STOP!! but can't. ahhh!!

Also! Must stop falling in love with older Grad students!!

I need to transfer to a Women's College!

He's the kind of guy you look at and know his mother raised right. When he yawns, and you find it adorable, you know you're in too deep. He carries his own ceramic mug around with coffee, and you swoon. He puts his hand out to feel the bushes as he walks by, and your heart skips a beat. He walks past you and you freeze. You smile at him like an idiot, and catching you, he smiles back. The kind of guy you want to hold you at night. The kind of guy you want to tell all your secrets to. The kind of guy you fall in love with, and never look back.

I need to do some real soul searching. I'm feeling so lost these days. Especially in my major and the art world. I get so easily discouraged, and distracted. I can't focus, and I can't accomplish what I want. I see what I want in my head, but I can't seem to transfer that result to Canvas. I am only actually proud of maybe two or three pieces I've done this year.

I constantly compare my self to my classmates, wondering "Why doesn't mine look like that?!" I feel less advanced than them. I feel so confused. I have no energy, and barely any will to continue. I need inspiration very badly. I used to be so confident in high school. I used to be so sure of my artwork. I felt inspired. I haven't really felt that way since high school. I'm not sure what changed or how to get it back, but I need it. Quickly.



Something/Someone inspire me!! Now!

DAMN that felt good!

One of my goals in life is to learn all the lyrics to Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" by heart. I think that says a lot about me, and absolutely nothing about me at the same time.